Tuesday, 12 April 2011

  • She told me tonight that she wouldn't be able to be down for my whole birthday weekend, as had been agreed - (and actually suggested by her) - but would come down Friday evening and have to head home early Saturday evening, as she'd forgotten about this charity walk on Saturday nighht that's she been training for. She was surprised and perhaps a little annoyed that I was annoyed that this had happened.

    Now, people forget, and this walk is important. I accept that. What initially pissed me off was that she was surprised at me being irked. Really? I'm not angry at her, specifically, but surely I am allowed to be annoyed that, after not seeing her for a month and not being able to see her much anyway, she is cutting short my birthday weekend.

    Secondly, I think I'm maybe being a bit too forgiving. Yes, everyone forgets, but she's known about this walk for ages - at least she's been training for ages for it. And it's my bloody birthday. And she was the one who suggested it, when she got on the train home after we/she decided to go on the break: "I think all we need it time, gorgeous girl. Tell you what, let's make a deal. We'll leave it a month without seeing each other, then I'll come down for your birthday weekend." Not only did she suggest it, she called it my birthday weekend. Not "the second weekend in May".

    I'm trying very hard not to drag all the past little arguments and shit into this. I won't do it here, you've heard it all (you poor things). But, from just this, tonight, this little thing that she put forth as nothing huge really and, maybe, if I was in a more considerate frame of mind I would say "well at least I have Saturday with her". Yes, that is true and that will be lovely, but really this has been pretty inconsiderate of her, conciously or not, and I am very tired of always being forgiving of people, and I am bloody angry.


Monday, 11 April 2011

  • Currently: The Picture of Dorian Gray
    I'm spending most of my time sat in collaborated arm chairs in the garden, reading and tea-drinking and watching the plants grow. Debating whether or not I should really be reading more classics, or whether, as I feel, that the most acclaimed are overated. Reputation does not necessarily equate to -anything. The individual reader must be the judge, surely.

    Next door has just bought some chickens. They cluck around merrily with the flicker of the blossom-trees and hush of jet planes high overhead in otherwise spotless cyan skies. Their cat, a beautiful ginger maine coon lion - who reminds me of Hermione's Crookshanks, it must be said - skips about our deck, creeps inside the kitchen before leaping back out through the window, and speaks in his gentle half-bark at my feet. One needs the quiet.



    Oh, I do love Fry and Laurie.
    And breasts, for that matter.


Wednesday, 06 April 2011

  • Currently: The Little Stranger
    Most of my writing gets snuggled into my moleskine these days, kids. Sorry for abadoning you. Do let's catch up :)

    Jo and I are on a break. She's been unhappy, in herself; I've been unhappy, for her being unhappy; niether of us have mentioned this to each other, so we've both felt pressured and tense and, well, sad. Well it all came out on Sunday, in a sobbing, laughing, tangled coversation. We decided not to see each other until my birthday weekend when she'll come down, and for the month in between to give each other lots of space. We both very much love each other and want to be together, so frankly I'm hopeful, although I think being hopeful in a situation like this can be dangerous. I dread a sudden "it's won't work" speech which I most definetely was not expecting. However, I have to look at getting through right now; getting through this month, day by day, and I would rather do that in a mildly-anxious-but-generally-alright way, than in an agonizing, panicked way.

    OU reading is well under way - I had bloody missed studying. John Cleese played Petruchio in a DVD performance of Taming of The Shrew. Highly entertaining.

    There's really not too much to say. Life's general little dramas, interspersed with wandering bookshelves and getting paid for it, numerous pints and friends at pubs, sunshine walks, books, books, sleep. Love to you all xx






i am a bookseller. i have no money, and many books.